How To Survive The Apocalypse Of Running Out Of Content For Your Blog

We all know the feeling, blogger frens. The dreaded day looming in the feature when WE ABSOLUTELY WILL RUN OUT OF CONTENT FOR OUR BLOGS. Don’t deny it. The Blogger Content Apocalypse™ is coming, thus says my wise and majestic self, when our blogs will wither and die because we have completely run out of things to say. BUT NEVER FEAR.* I am going to tell you exactly how you can survive this apocalypse. (Because surprisingly I am in possession of all knowledge. That’s why everyone else knows nothing. BECAUSE I KNOW EVERYTHING.)

*actually what am i saying? FEAR. FEAR A LOT. this is supposed to be really ominous.

Or I should say try to run away. Because you are obviously not going to be able to stop this apocalypse (or any apocalypse for that matter.) Foresee the terrible future. Eat some chocolate. Get your emotions out. Grab your cat (or some waffles, whichever is more important to you*) AND RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. I don’t know what direction you should run in. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?? Jeez. Y’all are looking at me like I have all the answers or something.

*if waffles are not more important than your cat, you obviously need to reevaluate your priorities. 

If you can’t run, then you can hide. But you better expect the authorities to come knocking at your door. The authorities in this case are OF COURSE YOUR LOVELY READERS. They were so loyal and fabulous! What did they do to deserve this, huh?? When are you posting on your blog again? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’VE RUN OUT OF CONTENT??? These questions are going to be asked, sir. You’re going to have to answer them. And after that, you’ll have to repair the fragments of your apocalyptic life. (It's okay to have mixed emotions about this.)

You can’t just go on like this! HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE? Exactly how someone in the real apocalypse would survive* of course – by stealing all the supplies you can get your hands on. To put it simply: YOU NEED TO STEAL OTHER BLOGGERS’ CONTENT. Simply go to their blogs and look at their last post, then copy/paste it onto your own blog. DONE. Or, if you prefer to be a little more creative, you can hack said blogger’s computer and find their top-secret files of blog post ideas. WHO NEEDS THAT KIND OF CONTENT?? YOU DO, MY FREN. YOU NEED CONTENT. A blogger’s gotta do what a blogger’s gotta do. It might be hard, but you are brave, sir. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

*no, not by calling the police. don’t you ever watch the apocalypse movies?? people who call the police NEVER GET ANSWERS ABOUT THE APOCALYPSE. heed my wise advice instead.

Though the Blogger Content Apocalypse™ might seem like a very real and ominous thing, IT IS ACTUALLY JUST A MYTH. No one has proved its existence. (That’s right – I’ve been speaking sarcastically this whole time. I know, big surprise. Thank you, thank you, I’ve WORKED AND WORKED on my dry sense of humor.) I’m sorry y’all – I believe in unicorns and dragons, but I don’t believe in the Blogger Content Apocalypse™. Here’s my theory: if your blog is the place where you talk on the internet, then you will never run out of things to say on your blog because you won’t run out of things to say in real life.

Can you imagine a day where you sit down to dinner with your family and you all have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to say to each other?? Like…there is no need to talk. What is there to talk about? THE DAYS OF TALKING ARE OVER.*

This sounds impossible, doesn’t it? In the same way, my frens, it is impossible to run out of things to say on your blog. Of course, not everything might be Good Content™ but…that’s another blog post for another time, isn’t it? OR MAYBE IT’S A BLOG POST YOU COULD WRITE, IF YOU HAVE “RUN OUT OF CONTENT.” Capital idea. You’re welcome.

Of course I’ve experience small terrors that LOOK A LOT LIKE the Blogger Content Apocalypse™ – such as realizing that tomorrow is the day I’m scheduled to post on my blog and LOL I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M GOING TO POST ABOUT. This happens to me frighteningly often. But guess what? I SURVIVE EVERY TIME. Yes, there are tears, but I make it out alive. I MEAN LOOK. I just wrote 928 words about NOT HAVING ANYTHING TO WRITE ABOUT. If that’s not rock bottom, I don’t know what is. (Maybe the real apocalypse? Maybe the apocalypse of NO WAFFLES?? omg no. don’t give me nightmares.)

*I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING AND YOU’RE RIGHT. this is the kind of apocalypse that happens to me whenever i am in public. what do you know, i have absolutely nothing to say! except i want to go home, did you know that? i hAte aWKwaRd siLeNceSSSSSSS.

Have you ever experienced the terror of the Blogger Content Apocalypse™? HOW DO YOU SURVIVE IT?? Have you ever run out of things to say in real life? Do awkward silences absolutely SLAUGHTER YOU TO BITS AND PIECES like they do to me?? If you had to run, would you grab waffles or your cat?


p.s. this blog is undergoing a few changes based on the survey you lovely people took the other day. but don't worry nothing too drastic. ;)

10 Lies The Writer’s Brain Uses To Cheerfully Kill Its Host

Self-depreciation. We can’t seem to get away from it. And with writers (AT LEAST THIS EMOTIONAL WRITER) the feeling of discouragement is common. (How many times must we listen to Shia LaBeouf tell us to go after our dreams??) Writers beat up on themselves for a multitude of reasons. Why? We don’t know. It’s that little voice in our heads telling us that we are not good enough and probably never will be. THESE ARE ALL LIES. We should be laughing and kicking them in the face. BUT WE USUALLY DON’T. And so our helpful brain cheerfully carries on, saying things like: 

We all have some writerly person that we look up to with admiration and maybe a bit of jealousy. (For me, this person would be my sister, Katie. She has always been my writing hero.) I cannot say this enough: EVERYONE WRITES DIFFERENTLY. Just like you will never have someone else’s body no matter how much you exercise, you will never write like somebody else (unless we’re talking straight-up plagiarizing.)

Nobody writes better or worse than the next person. There are ways to improve your own personal style, of course. But if your end goal is to write like the author you love most, then you’re never going to reach that goal – and you’re never going to love your own writing for the unique, beautiful thing that it is.

OF COURSE IT’S NOT. Because somebody already wrote that book, didn’t they? The dystopian with the special teenager and the oppressive government. ACTUALLY NO. IT IS COMPLETELY ORIGINAL. You know why? Because YOU – and only you – are the one who wrote it! No one on the face of this good earth has created a carbon copy of your thing (because that’s impossible…and #creepy.) Someone may have wrote a story with similar elements but it is not identical to yours. (Having an oppressing government subplot in your dystopian novel DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE NOT CREATIVE.) Your book is a snowflake, a thumbprint, a unique piece of art. NOW START ACTING LIKE IT.

I know from experience what it feels like to wade through the treacherous quicksand of a slow-moving plot. As a matter of fact, the book I am currently editing needs A LOT OF WORK in that department. But that’s the thing – I’M EDITING IT. Of course it needs a ton of revising and rewording and rewriting. (There is no lousy pace a red pen can’t fix. *distant evil laughter*) Don't worry if your book hates you for this. Because it probably will feel very dejected.

Remember how on the Oregon Trail* horses/oxen would trip on holes in the ground thoughtlessly burrowed by prairie dogs? Remember how sometimes these poor horses/oxen were injured beyond repair and had to be taken out back and shot? (Except there was no “out back” – there was just someone killing an innocent animal in front of their family. This got deep fast.) THAT’S WHAT YOUR BOOK IS LIKE. I am the horse/ox and your book is the prairie dog field. Lucky for you, editing = relocating dem prairie dogs and filling in dem holes. YES IT’S A LOT OF WORK. But so is climbing Mount Everest and look how many people have done that. (No, don’t look at how many people have died trying DON’T LOOK AT THAT LET’S STAY ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, SHALL WE??)

*everything i know about the oregon trail i learned on the oregon trail video games. THREE CHEERS FOR MY FABULOUS HOMESCHOOLED EDUCATION. 

Honestly, why is it not in the garbage already?? Or the paper shredder? YES I THINK THE PAPER SHREDDER WOULD BE MORE SATISFYING. Before I started writing this thing, the idea was BRILLIANT. But then 10,000 words into it I’m like “lol whut am i doing” and now I’m halfway into it and I HATE IT WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND NUCLEAR REACTORS and now I’m almost done with it and you know what? IT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD. Yeah. I can totally see this thing on the New York Times best-seller list. But then it comes time to edit and I’m just like “NOPE LOL THIS IS ABSOLUTE TRASH. LET'S DELETE IT."

Writers are emotional. WE POUR OUR HEARTS, SOULS, AND INNER ORGANS INTO OUR WORK. Our minds also change very quickly and schizophrenically on the topic of this “work.” Get someone else’s non-schizophrenic opinion on your book before you get out that paper shredder. Okay?

And this makes perfect sense because??? We know about publishers and how picky they can be. Like how Gone With The Wind received 38 rejections before it was published. Or how Lousia May Alcott was told by a publisher to “stick to teaching” but instead she was like “lol no I’m writing this book called Little Women.” And of course we can’t forget how J.K. Rowling was told “don’t quit your day job” as publishers rejected Harry Potter 12 times.

OBVIOUSLY PUBLISHING A BOOK ISN’T AS EASY AS BUTTERING A WAFFLE. It takes time and effort and blood and sweat and tears. But in the end is it worth it? I don’t know. Has anyone heard of those books I just mentioned??

LOOK AT IT JUST LOOK. That giant stack of paper spilling over with words. IT’S A HOT MESS. A chocolate chip waffle and Downton Abbey sounds MUCH more appealing than taking out a red pen and slaughtering some words. BESIDES DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO EDIT?? Probably not. You probably have to go to school for that kind of thing. Pay someone else to do it. What do you mean you don’t have any money?? OMG #LAZY.

The truth: YOU CAN AND WILL EDIT YOUR OWN BOOK. (I mean you don’t have to, because there are editors out there and stuff.) Editing isn’t as scary as it sounds. You don’t have to learn how to do anything – just pay attention. Cut out fluff, redundancies, typos, random stuff that slows down the plot, food descriptions (actually no – DON’T CUT OUT ANY FOOD DESCRIPTIONS. THOSE ARE CRUCIAL.) Edit to the best of your ability! Then give it to someone else to read.*

*while THIS torture occurs, you may eat that chocolate chip waffle and watch downton abbey.

Unless you’re, y’know, a journalist or something. Maybe if you write for a magazine or a newspaper you’ll make money off of that, but MAKING A LIVING TELLING STORIES? lol dream on, sir. I actually find this lie incredibly funny not only because IT’S DEAD WRONG but because every writer I’ve met seem to keep this thought idling on the back burner. (For those unfortunate times when our Christmas party aunt condescendingly asks, “So what do you do for work?? HMM?” and you don’t know how to tell her that you are in the process of disgracing your family name.)

Whether you have a full-time job, a part-time job, or no job at all, don’t let anyone convince you that writing books isn’t a job. YOU CAN AND WILL MAKE MONEY OFF THIS THING. You just have to keep at it. Don’t give up. Make the next thing. Love it. Then figure out how to sell it. 

Y’all know me by now. I’m that obnoxiously idealistic pro-multitalents pro-exploration person who will happily scream from the rooftops “EXPLORE! TRY EVERYTHING. MAKE MUSIC. MAKE PAINTINGS. MAKE BURRITOS.” This is how I think we should write. Yes, I’ve written nothing but contemporary fiction in my life. But that doesn’t mean I’m not plotting to write fantasy, sci-fi, and historical fiction in the future (hint: I TOTALLY AM.)

Maybe one day you write a book about a geeky teenager in the class of 2017 and the next day you write a book about fire-breathing dragons who scorch humans and attack medieval castles. THIS IS PERFECTLY OKAY. THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.  

Is there anything more terrifying than the idea of self-publishing? Visions of sugar plums and cardboard boxes of your books rotting in your garage?? OR OR OR maybe an ebook that you can never get someone to download? CRYING YOURSELF TO SLEEP BECAUSE YOUR WRITING CAREER IS OVER AND TOMORROW YOU’RE GOING TO APPLY FOR A JOB AT CHIPOTLE???

Okay. Let me rephrase that question: is there anything more terrifying than the idea that society has created of self-publishing? NO. I TELL YOU THERE IS NOT. Of course the rotting-books-in-your-garage scenario is terrifying. But my fren, self-publishing is changing. (In fact now most people call it being an “indie author” – DOESN’T THAT SOUND SO CUTE.)

At the risk of sounding like an old lady (which I kind of am, not gonna lie) THE INTERNET HAS CHANGED EVERYTHING. It’s this new-fangled way of connecting with people from all over the world – and more importantly collecting people from all over the world. MUAHAHA. YES. COLLECTING. Raking them up into a nice big pile and entertaining them with waffles and funny tweets, stealing their email addresses while they’re not looking* then: BOOM TADA HERE YOU GO PEOPLE LOOK WHAT I HAVE A NEW BOOK I JUST WROTE. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO READ IT. A following = a platform. You are basically your own little publishing house – only it’s the best kind of publishing house because IT ONLY PUBLISHES YOUR BOOKS. MUAHAHAHA.

*or…you know…ASKING NICELY. like i do. AHEM. 

Note: If you’re interested in the REAL idea of self-publishing (like I am) I highly recommending checking out The Self-Publishing Formula podcast by Mark Dawson and James Blatch. These dudes are incredibly knowledgeable on all things indie author and the fabulous people they interview always leave me inspired and pumped to publish my own books.

What lies to you tell yourself, writer fren?? Can you add to this list? Do you sometimes feel like your book is total trash? DO YOU WANT TO BURN IT WITH FIERY WRATH? Also let’s figure out which is better: waffles and Downton Abbey VS editing. 
(I think we all know there is only one right answer to this question.)


Can I Have 45 Seconds Of Your Precious Day? For A Small Survey (!!!)

HELLO MY FABULOUS WAFFLE FRENS. Today I don’t have a legit post for you (what fun!) Instead I have a fabulous 45-second survey BECAUSE I DESPERATELY NEED YOUR WISE OPINION. I’ve been stuck in a bit of a blogging rut lately and I need your help to get out of it. My readers make me so incredibly happy (legit NOTHING makes me smile like that comments section when y’all start tossing your beautiful thoughts at me) so I value your insight beyond words. ASDFGHJKL < see?

This survey will take you 45 seconds. SERIOUSLY I TESTED IT AND I SPEAK THE TRUTH. If you would be a dear and give me just 45 seconds of feedback I WOULD LOVE YOU AND GIVE YOU WAFFLES. Actually sorry, I can’t track you down to give you waffles because this survey is also 100% anonymous. Which means if you have any nasty things to say to me, FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE COME AT ME BRO. Now is your chance. You can insult me and we can still carry on being frens because I won’t know it was you!! WHAT FUN.


Create your own user feedback survey

Thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart. <3


September Waffle Party + Playlist

WELL SEPTEMBER WENT BY RATHER QUICKLY, DIDN’T IT?? I can’t believe that this month is already over. WHY?? WHERE DID IT GO? WHY IS OCTOBER HERE? DOESN’T OCTOBER KNOW THAT I’M NOT READY FOR IT YET?? So many questions. And no answers. But that’s just my life, tbh. ENOUGH SMALL TALK. Let’s chat about what happened this month.

Katie wrote a short story that has me like asdfghjkl. Also she’s my sister (like legit biological sister apparently) so you should go follow here ASAP.

Tane blew my mind with this poem that should also be a song because omg it’s spectacular.

Aimee started an important discussion about YA fiction and what teens can handle and ASDFGHJKL I HAVE NO WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW WELL SAID IT IS.

Olivia smacked me in the heart with this poem about writing. Because it is everything I feel in the darkest parts of my heart/forest.

Cait wrote a 130,000 word book in 6 days and I’m still trying to figure how this is even possible?? She is superhuman, basically. 

I guess it’s officially fall because right now I’m wearing leggings, boots, and a turtleneck sweater. IN MY BEDROOM. I DON’T LIKE BEING COLD BUT I REALLY LIKE LEGGINGS. So what do I do?? #help

I’ve been re-watching season 2 of Downton Abbey and remembering how asdfghjkl brilliant it is. TBH THIS SEASON IS PROBABLY MY FAVORITE?? The whole thing is so well done. <3 I’m a total fangirl for Downton Abbey and I’m not afraid to admit it.

Also I’m falling asleep right now because allergy medicine. :’) YAY.

I finally finally FINALLY remembered the password to my Tumblr. Y’all. This was tormenting me for weeks. BUT WOOT I’M IN LIKE A PROUD BURGLAR. Now it’s time for you to go and follow my nonsensical Tumblr blog. (Or if you’re into something more *cough* OFFICIAL then you can follow this one.)

NANOWRIMO IS ONE MONTH AWAY AND I AM LOWKEY FREAKING OUT. There is still so much preparing to do. AND SO LITTLE TIME. This is not a good combination, sir.

But I have a basic outline of the book I’m going to write. SO THAT MAKES ME FEEL 10000% BETTER. It’s a contemporary YA fiction and I promise it’s not as boring as that sounds (maybe I'll talk more about it later??) I do have Pinterest board for it, but as of now it’s secret (because MUAHAHA I’M CRYPTIC LIKE THAT) but something tells me it’s not going to stay secret for long?? BECAUSE I’M ALSO BAD AT CONTAINING MY EXCITEMENT? Yeah.

I GOT SCRIVENER. GUYS I AM VERY VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS. I’ve been thinking about Scrivener for a long time, asking myself “would I actually LIKE this program??” Until one day I finally bit the bullet and got it. AND OH MY WORD WHAT A LOVELY DECISION. Scrivener is like a perfectionist organizer’s HEAVEN. There are folders within folders within folders and the whole thing feels tailor-made for writers (unlike Word, which automatically creates bullet lists and Roman numerals and blows up the world.) SCRIVENER IS BEAUTIFUL and if you’re an organization fiend like I am, I think you would love it. 

I started learning guitar! IT’S ALL VERY NEW TO ME, SIR. My poor little fingers are still getting used to screaming and crying every time I play, but we’ll be alright in the end. It’s a labor of love. *insert upsidedown smile emojis*

Recording more music is going to happen VERY soon. AND GOSH I AM STOKED. My sound engineer is still working on the finishing touches to his home studio, and then I’m going to be back in front of the microphone where everything makes sense.

But I still have no idea when the first cover is going to happen. I’M TRULY SORRY, Y’ALL. You’ll just have to eat some waffles while waiting and rest assured that I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN ONE DAY. Soon. ;)

This month I’ve been thinking a lot about letting go. Not just letting go of things that are obviously stealing my peace but the things that are more subtle – the things that sit in my subconscious and show themselves at the end of the day, telling me that I shouldn’t be happy. HERE’S TO LETTING GO. Letting go of everything that saddens and stresses me. Playing, exploring, rolling down the windows and feeling the wind tangle my hair. Feeling like a kid in the best possible way. So this is kind of the soundtrack to that whole idea. 

So what was September like for you guys? HOPEFULLY GOOD. What music have you been loving lately? Do you like leggings? Downton Abbey? Are you doing NaNoWriMo this year? plz say yes and comfort me with many hugs and waffles. Does anyone play guitar out there? Do you have Scrivener? Do you LOVE it??